Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
