I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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