when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
