his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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