Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
