I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
