I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thus making me awesome and them whores
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
