My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Found the puke drawer
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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