Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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