Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
