Sry I called you an 8
wanna go halves on a baby?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence