Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment