Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.