So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.