it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's like iHOP with fire
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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