sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
