I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
