Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
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I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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