just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
