dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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