I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
