we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize