I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
