marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I need to sanitize my soul.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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