I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
