Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
