uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where are you?
Hypothermia
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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