the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
