I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
