I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
