Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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