Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
