I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
