I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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