so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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