Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
bring money and cleavage
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
