Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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