He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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