I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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