Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
