I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
