im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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