So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
