smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
