I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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