The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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