We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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