There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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