Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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