Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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