it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You dont lie about slip and slides
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
