Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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