Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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