Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
