OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
