Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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