its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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