I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
