Whod you bang
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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