a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
