Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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