He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
